First, a brief reminder Mindbody Mastery (click here to connect to the website), my recently released downloadable meditation program will make a wonderful Christmas present and if you use the code IJG-SM you will receive a healthy discount as well. With its initial 8 week program and 6 months of support to establish and deepen your practice, I do hope many of you will use it and feel the benefits.
And then Christmas. This is the time when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Christ quite literally represents the embodiment of pure love. Unconditional love.
Now there are many forms of love in this world of ours. There is love for a parent, for a child, for a lover, for our self, an animal, a thing, a cause etc.
These worldly loves often have an element of the relative about them. Relative in the sense that they are related to attached conditions: I will love you if… (you love me back, make me laugh, look after me...etc). I will love you when… (you have a better job, loose some weight, do not get so angry…etc). I love you because…(you do this for me, you make me look good…etc), etc, etc. In this sense, for many of us, if we do take the time to reflect on it, love can have some aspect of being more like a deal than a pure state of mind.
It is easy to observe many people are confused by these different aspects of love. This was often apparent after people came to any of the Gawler Foundation programs, particularly the residential ones.
The fact is that these programs reliably bring out the best in people. Participants quickly come to really care for each other. The staff consistently put their own issues aside and really care for the participants. People begin to feel something of that unconditional love.
As an aside, it is my sense it is just this, the experience of unconditional love, that often explains the wonderful, positive and often profound transformations that occur during the programs in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing of participants.
But then, as these people head home, often they experience the confusion that many others feel independently of attending such a program. If pure love is unconditional, and I want to love all, how do I manage the difficult people in my life?
The key resides in understanding the difference between relative and absolute. This is one of the great gifts of examining our minds. When we do so, we realise there are such things as the relative and the absolute. On the absolute level we all have an intrinsic goodness, an intrinsic purity. In Christianity we say we are made in God’s image. Cannot get much purer than that. In Buddhism we say that in their essence, everyone has Buddha nature – again that notion of fundamental goodness and purity.
Yet on the relative, worldly level it is clear peoples’ actions, emotions and thoughts can be complex and often problematic. The fact is some relationships can be very difficult, even quite toxic and there may well be a need to discriminate about whom we hang out with!
Now it is true that difficult relationships can teach us so much about ourselves, about patience, tolerance, compassion etc. And enduring some relationships can lead to healthy outcomes for all. However, in some situations it can be clear that to remain in a relationship will only create more problems and it may well be the loving thing to avoid such a relationship.
Personal awareness requires discrimination. It is not about suffering endlessly, it is not about neglecting the treatment of illness or the working on difficulties. It is about right action. Working as much as possible from a position of unconditional love, recognising the fundamental goodness in all and so having a deep respect and real compassion for all, while at the same time recognising the limitations of others and ourselves. Doing the best we can and making every effort to continue to learn and to be a better person. To be increasingly comfortable with our own capacities and those of others.
Christmas then is a perfect time to contemplate the place of love in your life. To consider when for you love is unconditional, when it is more like a deal with its conditions, and when it is better avoided. Christmas often brings families together in a way that these issues are brought to the fore, so be gentle on yourself and others, take time to contemplate and meditate, and may you experience something of the true meaning of Christmas – unconditional love.
RESOURCES
Mindbody Mastery: link here to the website and remember when you register to use the code IJG-SM so you receive your discount.
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationships. Show all posts
19 December 2011
12 September 2011
Ian Gawler Blog: 9/11,Transformation, and mindfulness of people.
Ruth and I had the good fortune to receive an award at a recent Inter-faith function where the aim was to mobilise the energy around the extraordinary events of 9/11 to promote Inter-faith understanding and cooperation.
The awards are an annual event inaugurated last year in the best spirit of Australian multi-culturalism. Swami Shankarananda, a Jewish New Yorker intellectual, met Muktananda, the then head of Siddha Yoga in his early days and is now teaching Hindu philosophy and practices to a wide audience in outer suburban Melbourne. Along with his wife Devi Ma, Swamiji runs a very vibrant centre in Mt Eliza with a strong emphasis on meditation, chanting and finding joy in the spiritual path.
The award night was a real delight, bringing together local leaders from all the major faith traditions. We had a Jewish cantor singing prayers, an operatic quality rendition of Ave Maria and Hindu chanting, along with silent meditation.
Where were you when you first heard of the twin tower attacks?
Ruth and I were coming home from a wonderful evening where Paul Kraus’ fabulous book ‘Surviving Cancer” had been launched by the Gawler Foundation. Along with a group of long term cancer survivors whose stories are featured in the book, Prof Chris O’Brien had spoken in glowing and eloquent terms of drawing on the Foundation's inspiration and knowledge to mobilise his own efforts; using meditation and other lifestyle factors in his efforts to recover from his own very difficult cancer.
That evening had been one of the most uplifting in the Gawler Foundation’s history, and then, on the radio, complete incredulity. Could this be real? Then on the TV. Was it an Orsen Wells like black-hearted trick to be playing these images? And then, the realisation the towers had really fallen, so many people had died, and all our lives were in the process of changing.
So 10yrs later, what has happened? According to The Age, Australia is estimated to have spent $30 billion fighting terrorism; the USA $4 trillion! Prof Mark Stewart, a Newcastle academic puts the risk for an Australian actually being killed by a terrorist attack at 1 in 7 million per year, about the same risk as being killed by lightning.
Of course, for anyone who was directly affected by 9/11, the Bali bombings or any other act of terrorism, the consequences have been severe and probably ongoing.
But for the population at large, do we need to keep spending such huge amounts on anti-terrorist activities, including fighting in countries not our own? Maybe it is time to give more time and resources to reducing fear and bringing people together in peace and understanding.
One of the challenges is to not sound clichéd in this arena. At the award night, a remarkable young Buddhist monk managed this very well. Thubten Gyaltsen was acknowledged and awarded for his Inter-faith work amongst young people. He recounted the day he heard Osama Bin-Laden was killed by US forces. The TV was replete with images of young Americans dancing and chanting in the streets, claiming to be young Christians and deliriously happy with the death of this man.
Then he went to an evening function in the Muslim community where the keynote speaker’s first name was also Osama. This man spoke with fervour and passion about the need to be of service throughout the local community, to make alliances with all the faiths, to bring understanding and peace to their own people and their new home country.
The challenge must be to go beyond stereotypes, to transform fear and to build cross-cultural and Inter-faith relationships. One simple way I have found to work on this is what I call:
Mindfulness of people
This is a simple exercise. You smile warmly at everyone you meet, whether on introduction from a trusted friend, whether at a business meeting or as you pass them casually in the street. The easy mindfulness bit is to give them your full attention for the few moments the smile takes; the tricky part is to notice your mind as you offer the smile. You aim to notice what response you have to smiling at everyone, regardless of their size, shape, age, gender, colour race, creed etc
When you can genuinely say the feeling that goes with smiling at everyone is the same, you have achieved something quite difficult I would suggest, but something incredibly worthwhile. The advanced practice is to remain unaffected by whatever judgements you get the impression the other person is making of you!
Like all exercises such as this one, it takes effort and practice; and any progress you make is valuable.
As for the award, it acknowledged the contribution Ruth and I have made through teaching and popularising meditation. In Swami Shankarananda’s words:
“We give awards each year for interfaith activity. It started when I decided to reverse the significance of September 11 by thinking of it as, instead of a dark day for interreligious relationships, a day for the celebration of interreligious dialogue.
“Last year we gave the "Sanatana Dharma Award" to Father John Dupuche in recognition of all his work in the field. This year we would like to give the award jointly to both of you.
“Sanatana Dharma is translated as "the eternal religion". It refers to the kernel of oneness that is behind all the different religions. In my mind, meditation is the highest expression of Sanatana Dharma because it comes under no trademark, is the private property of no single religion and is equally beneficial, like sleep, to Hindus, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, and even atheists.”
NEWS
1. Weekend workshop in Melbourne: 17 & 18 September
Bookings through the Gawler Foundation
2. Healing Meditation Retreat and Training for health professionals – with monks from Thich Nhat Hahn’s tradition
Bookings through the Gawler Foundation
RESOURCES
BOOKS
1. Meditation – An In-depth Guide: Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
2. The Miracle of Mindfulness: Thich Nhat Hahn
CDs
1. Deepening your meditation (for mindfulness exercises): Ian Gawler
2. A Woman’s Voice: Ruth Gawler leading mindfulness and meditation exercises
RELATED BLOGS
1. Go with the flow or intervene
2. The brain, the mind and relationships
The awards are an annual event inaugurated last year in the best spirit of Australian multi-culturalism. Swami Shankarananda, a Jewish New Yorker intellectual, met Muktananda, the then head of Siddha Yoga in his early days and is now teaching Hindu philosophy and practices to a wide audience in outer suburban Melbourne. Along with his wife Devi Ma, Swamiji runs a very vibrant centre in Mt Eliza with a strong emphasis on meditation, chanting and finding joy in the spiritual path.
The award night was a real delight, bringing together local leaders from all the major faith traditions. We had a Jewish cantor singing prayers, an operatic quality rendition of Ave Maria and Hindu chanting, along with silent meditation.
Where were you when you first heard of the twin tower attacks?
Ruth and I were coming home from a wonderful evening where Paul Kraus’ fabulous book ‘Surviving Cancer” had been launched by the Gawler Foundation. Along with a group of long term cancer survivors whose stories are featured in the book, Prof Chris O’Brien had spoken in glowing and eloquent terms of drawing on the Foundation's inspiration and knowledge to mobilise his own efforts; using meditation and other lifestyle factors in his efforts to recover from his own very difficult cancer.
That evening had been one of the most uplifting in the Gawler Foundation’s history, and then, on the radio, complete incredulity. Could this be real? Then on the TV. Was it an Orsen Wells like black-hearted trick to be playing these images? And then, the realisation the towers had really fallen, so many people had died, and all our lives were in the process of changing.
So 10yrs later, what has happened? According to The Age, Australia is estimated to have spent $30 billion fighting terrorism; the USA $4 trillion! Prof Mark Stewart, a Newcastle academic puts the risk for an Australian actually being killed by a terrorist attack at 1 in 7 million per year, about the same risk as being killed by lightning.
Of course, for anyone who was directly affected by 9/11, the Bali bombings or any other act of terrorism, the consequences have been severe and probably ongoing.
But for the population at large, do we need to keep spending such huge amounts on anti-terrorist activities, including fighting in countries not our own? Maybe it is time to give more time and resources to reducing fear and bringing people together in peace and understanding.
One of the challenges is to not sound clichéd in this arena. At the award night, a remarkable young Buddhist monk managed this very well. Thubten Gyaltsen was acknowledged and awarded for his Inter-faith work amongst young people. He recounted the day he heard Osama Bin-Laden was killed by US forces. The TV was replete with images of young Americans dancing and chanting in the streets, claiming to be young Christians and deliriously happy with the death of this man.
Then he went to an evening function in the Muslim community where the keynote speaker’s first name was also Osama. This man spoke with fervour and passion about the need to be of service throughout the local community, to make alliances with all the faiths, to bring understanding and peace to their own people and their new home country.
The challenge must be to go beyond stereotypes, to transform fear and to build cross-cultural and Inter-faith relationships. One simple way I have found to work on this is what I call:
Mindfulness of people
This is a simple exercise. You smile warmly at everyone you meet, whether on introduction from a trusted friend, whether at a business meeting or as you pass them casually in the street. The easy mindfulness bit is to give them your full attention for the few moments the smile takes; the tricky part is to notice your mind as you offer the smile. You aim to notice what response you have to smiling at everyone, regardless of their size, shape, age, gender, colour race, creed etc
When you can genuinely say the feeling that goes with smiling at everyone is the same, you have achieved something quite difficult I would suggest, but something incredibly worthwhile. The advanced practice is to remain unaffected by whatever judgements you get the impression the other person is making of you!
Like all exercises such as this one, it takes effort and practice; and any progress you make is valuable.
As for the award, it acknowledged the contribution Ruth and I have made through teaching and popularising meditation. In Swami Shankarananda’s words:
“We give awards each year for interfaith activity. It started when I decided to reverse the significance of September 11 by thinking of it as, instead of a dark day for interreligious relationships, a day for the celebration of interreligious dialogue.
“Last year we gave the "Sanatana Dharma Award" to Father John Dupuche in recognition of all his work in the field. This year we would like to give the award jointly to both of you.
“Sanatana Dharma is translated as "the eternal religion". It refers to the kernel of oneness that is behind all the different religions. In my mind, meditation is the highest expression of Sanatana Dharma because it comes under no trademark, is the private property of no single religion and is equally beneficial, like sleep, to Hindus, Jews, Christians, Buddhists, Muslims, and even atheists.”
NEWS
1. Weekend workshop in Melbourne: 17 & 18 September
Bookings through the Gawler Foundation
2. Healing Meditation Retreat and Training for health professionals – with monks from Thich Nhat Hahn’s tradition
Bookings through the Gawler Foundation
RESOURCES
BOOKS
1. Meditation – An In-depth Guide: Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
2. The Miracle of Mindfulness: Thich Nhat Hahn
CDs
1. Deepening your meditation (for mindfulness exercises): Ian Gawler
2. A Woman’s Voice: Ruth Gawler leading mindfulness and meditation exercises
RELATED BLOGS
1. Go with the flow or intervene
2. The brain, the mind and relationships
06 June 2011
Ian Gawler Blog: Slow down and go faster
How busy are you? Most people I speak with feel that their lives are becoming busier and busier. So imagine this – maybe with a little help, it is possible to slow down, relax and actually achieve more!
How might this be possible? I was thinking of the role model the Dalai Lama provides. He will be in Melbourne again this weekend for talks and teachings (how good is Australia’s karma that he comes so regularly?). He seems so relaxed, happy and at ease, yet if you consider his schedule, his responsibilities as the spiritual leader of a country under occupation, his life in exile and all the good works he does; if anyone has a right to be a little stressed or worn out, the Dalai Lama does. Yet well into his seventies, he remains energetic, very effective and prodigious in his output. He does a lot!
From all accounts, His Holiness gets up very early and does 3 – 4 hours of study and practice before starting his day. For us mere mortals, maybe we can receive a good deal of benefit without quite such a routine.
Speaking personally, I came home from a great meeting last week. A lot had been achieved, good ideas developed, new possibilities explored; all in a great atmosphere. Keen to tell Ruth about it, we then went to do what we do each evening, and that is to meditate together.
As I settled into my posture, I noticed this buzz in my body. A fine trembling, tingling sort of a buzz. It occurred to me that this excited energy, left over from the meeting was a good thing, but how it might lead some people on into drinking too much or some other excess.
It seemed to be in contrast to what it would be like to come home from a tough day, feeling depleted, despondent, even exhausted. Such a state, left unnoticed or unmanaged, could lead to other unhelpful activities, not the least of which may be being in a poor state of mind for partner or family.
Meditation offers this wonderful promise of being able to let go of the busyness and regain our balance. Whether we are up or down, balance is better. With our body and mind in balance, we think more clearly, we react more appropriately, we are in a better state to relate well with others. We are likely to be fresh, vital and at ease.
In such a state, there will be no compulsion to talk, but an ease with doing so. We will have no compulsion to be spoken to, but an ease with listening. We will be free to relax in a healthy way, or energised to take up something new when the time is right.
Remember the keys to meditating in a way that reliably brings these benefits. Four steps. Preparation, Relaxation, Mindfulness and Stillness – the essence of Mindfulness-Based Stillness Meditation.
Put very simply, having prepared well, we relax. Relaxing deeply, we become more mindful. As our mindfulness develops, stillness is revealed; naturally and without effort. We rest in open, undistracted awareness. This is Mindfulness-Based Stillness Meditation.
Oh yes, and at the great meeting last week, we began by sitting together and meditating. Two of those who gathered had never done such a thing before. They were guided very simply to aim to let go of whatever they had been doing earlier and to bring their attention to what was going on right now.
To assist this, there was the suggestion to be mindful of the sounds around about us, then the breath and that natural feeling of relaxing with the out breath. Then we simply rested quietly for a few minutes. Finally we reminded ourselves of our motivation, to help as many people as possible through what we were addressing at the meeting.
Having done this, the atmosphere in the room was transformed. Peaceful, calm, clear. One of the group said that he was really preoccupied with the busyness of what had been happening earlier, that he had felt his mind was all over the place. He said he actually had been concerned that he was in a poor state of mind to give the presentation he was required to do, but now, after that short quiet time, he felt clear and ready.
Just by being able to have a conversation like that, it seemed to me that we began our meeting on a very real and open level. The meeting rapidly developed into one where everyone went away feeling we had achieved a lot, deepened friendships and become energized.
So maybe it is possible. Slow down and accomplish more.
NEWS
1. Meditation retreats coming soon
i) Germany, July 8-15.
I have been invited by monks from Thich Nhat Hahn’s centre to help lead a therapeutic meditation retreat. The monks wish to expand the meditation they currently offer to include a focus on healing. So this retreat is on at their retreat centre in the woods near Cologne and you can click here for details. Maybe you know someone in Europe who may be interested. EIAB
ii) Yarra Valley, October 7-9.
The same monks will be visiting Australia and combining with me to present a training and personal retreat for health professionals. Full details will be advised soon, but keep the dates free if you are keen.
2. Melbourne workshops
Had an enjoyable weekend presenting workshops in Melbourne. The next Melbourne workshops are on the weekend of September 17-18 and will be run with the Foundation. Again, full details will be on the websites soon.
3. Book launch, Tuesday evening, June 14th from 6.30pm.
There will be an event to mark the launch of The Mind That Changes Everything at Bertha Brown, 562 Flinders St, Melbourne. You are welcome to attend; you just need to reply to admin@brolgapublishing.com.au , or phone 96004982, it promises to be fun.
RELATED BLOGS
1. Meditation in 4 easy steps.
2. The Mind That Changes Everything.
3. Relaxation in everyday life.
4. Meditation – how much is enough?
RESOURCES
1. Dalai Lama In Australia
2. Books: The Mind That Changes Everything, Ian Gawler
Meditation – an In-depth Guide, Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
3. Meditation Courses: The Gawler Foundation
How might this be possible? I was thinking of the role model the Dalai Lama provides. He will be in Melbourne again this weekend for talks and teachings (how good is Australia’s karma that he comes so regularly?). He seems so relaxed, happy and at ease, yet if you consider his schedule, his responsibilities as the spiritual leader of a country under occupation, his life in exile and all the good works he does; if anyone has a right to be a little stressed or worn out, the Dalai Lama does. Yet well into his seventies, he remains energetic, very effective and prodigious in his output. He does a lot!
From all accounts, His Holiness gets up very early and does 3 – 4 hours of study and practice before starting his day. For us mere mortals, maybe we can receive a good deal of benefit without quite such a routine.
Speaking personally, I came home from a great meeting last week. A lot had been achieved, good ideas developed, new possibilities explored; all in a great atmosphere. Keen to tell Ruth about it, we then went to do what we do each evening, and that is to meditate together.
As I settled into my posture, I noticed this buzz in my body. A fine trembling, tingling sort of a buzz. It occurred to me that this excited energy, left over from the meeting was a good thing, but how it might lead some people on into drinking too much or some other excess.
It seemed to be in contrast to what it would be like to come home from a tough day, feeling depleted, despondent, even exhausted. Such a state, left unnoticed or unmanaged, could lead to other unhelpful activities, not the least of which may be being in a poor state of mind for partner or family.
Meditation offers this wonderful promise of being able to let go of the busyness and regain our balance. Whether we are up or down, balance is better. With our body and mind in balance, we think more clearly, we react more appropriately, we are in a better state to relate well with others. We are likely to be fresh, vital and at ease.
In such a state, there will be no compulsion to talk, but an ease with doing so. We will have no compulsion to be spoken to, but an ease with listening. We will be free to relax in a healthy way, or energised to take up something new when the time is right.
Remember the keys to meditating in a way that reliably brings these benefits. Four steps. Preparation, Relaxation, Mindfulness and Stillness – the essence of Mindfulness-Based Stillness Meditation.
Put very simply, having prepared well, we relax. Relaxing deeply, we become more mindful. As our mindfulness develops, stillness is revealed; naturally and without effort. We rest in open, undistracted awareness. This is Mindfulness-Based Stillness Meditation.
Oh yes, and at the great meeting last week, we began by sitting together and meditating. Two of those who gathered had never done such a thing before. They were guided very simply to aim to let go of whatever they had been doing earlier and to bring their attention to what was going on right now.
To assist this, there was the suggestion to be mindful of the sounds around about us, then the breath and that natural feeling of relaxing with the out breath. Then we simply rested quietly for a few minutes. Finally we reminded ourselves of our motivation, to help as many people as possible through what we were addressing at the meeting.
Having done this, the atmosphere in the room was transformed. Peaceful, calm, clear. One of the group said that he was really preoccupied with the busyness of what had been happening earlier, that he had felt his mind was all over the place. He said he actually had been concerned that he was in a poor state of mind to give the presentation he was required to do, but now, after that short quiet time, he felt clear and ready.
Just by being able to have a conversation like that, it seemed to me that we began our meeting on a very real and open level. The meeting rapidly developed into one where everyone went away feeling we had achieved a lot, deepened friendships and become energized.
So maybe it is possible. Slow down and accomplish more.
NEWS
1. Meditation retreats coming soon
i) Germany, July 8-15.
I have been invited by monks from Thich Nhat Hahn’s centre to help lead a therapeutic meditation retreat. The monks wish to expand the meditation they currently offer to include a focus on healing. So this retreat is on at their retreat centre in the woods near Cologne and you can click here for details. Maybe you know someone in Europe who may be interested. EIAB
ii) Yarra Valley, October 7-9.
The same monks will be visiting Australia and combining with me to present a training and personal retreat for health professionals. Full details will be advised soon, but keep the dates free if you are keen.
2. Melbourne workshops
Had an enjoyable weekend presenting workshops in Melbourne. The next Melbourne workshops are on the weekend of September 17-18 and will be run with the Foundation. Again, full details will be on the websites soon.
3. Book launch, Tuesday evening, June 14th from 6.30pm.
There will be an event to mark the launch of The Mind That Changes Everything at Bertha Brown, 562 Flinders St, Melbourne. You are welcome to attend; you just need to reply to admin@brolgapublishing.com.au , or phone 96004982, it promises to be fun.
RELATED BLOGS
1. Meditation in 4 easy steps.
2. The Mind That Changes Everything.
3. Relaxation in everyday life.
4. Meditation – how much is enough?
RESOURCES
1. Dalai Lama In Australia
2. Books: The Mind That Changes Everything, Ian Gawler
Meditation – an In-depth Guide, Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
3. Meditation Courses: The Gawler Foundation
02 May 2011
Man of Miracles
Sadly the great Indian spiritual leader, Sai Baba, died on Easter Sunday. I feel fortunate to have visited him a number of times since our first fateful meeting in 1977.
How was Sai Baba different, maybe even unique?
As a contrast, like many people, when I teach a public workshop or lead a group, I am very conscious of my teachers. I rely on their knowledge and wisdom. They provide inspiration and act as role models. I would be able to offer only a fraction of what I do without my teachers.
So much to be grateful for. I have had teachers who helped me to gain a degree in Veterinary Science, and a Masters in Counselling. I have attended many, many workshops and conferences. I have learnt vast amounts from books and from people who attended events where I was in the role of leader or teacher.
And most of my teachers have the same background. There is a long lineage of teachers that my own Veterinary teachers drew upon. The teachers of their teachers, and so on back into time. A long lineage of teachers in the counselling fields I studied. In the spiritual world, lineage gives authenticity and confidence and inspiration to teacher and student alike.
In Christianity there is the long lineage back to Christ. In Buddhism there is an authentic and unbroken lineage that can be traced back 2500 years to the days and the teachings of the Buddha.
So why was Sai Baba different?
He had no teachers.
At 13 he announced himself as a teacher. He began to teach from traditional texts, even obscure ones with clarity and confidence. By the time he died at 84, he had taught on a vast array of subjects. No one ever saw him read, or study, or prepare. He just knew it all. He was self-realised.
Revered across India and by millions of followers around the world, Sai Baba was regarded by many to be an avatar. No, not like in the movie! A spiritual avatar is regarded as being a divine incarnation – a God in human form.
When I first traveled to India and met him in the hilly tea country out of Bangalore, I was excited but somewhat skeptically reserved. If there was an avatar on Earth, what a pity to miss him. But what if he was some sort of imposter?
There would seem to be several reasons to visit a senior Holy man:
1. To learn and progress on the spiritual path.
2. To benefit directly from being in their presence and to seek blessings.
3. To pay respect.
4. To seek a miracle!
In that first meeting Sai Baba catalysed healing for me at a profound level. He said “ You are already healed, don’t worry.” At that time, I was doing what I needed to do to overcome the difficult cancer I faced. However, my doubts, fuelled by scientific training and concerns around my capacity to recover using innovative means, were a real obstacle.
Sai Baba's presence, his words, his assurance, changed this. In my view, deep healing often requires a change in our state of mind, and Sai Baba effected this for me where nothing, or no-one else, had been able to. It was like an inner miracle, even though it was understandable.
Curiously, the outward miracles he has been famous for seemed natural and normal when I first saw them. On numerous occasions and from very close range, I witnessed him manifesting quite large objects and vibhutti, a sacred ash. As an avatar, why would he not do this? And yes, in my opinion he was an avatar.
Like all great beings Sai Baba had a small minority of detractors. (Christ’s life did not exactly end well – put to death on the cross). In my experience, however, he embodied love. He taught love. He represented love. He urged everyone to be more loving. That was the essence of his message.
You may be interested to know that each of the first 4 times I went to his ashram, I tried to leave a donation, but could not find out how to do it. In all my visits, no one ever mentioned money, let alone asked for it. Meals were a few cents (yes cents not dollars), accommodation was little more, and yet he brought together many huge projects.
If “judge them by their works” is the standard, Sai Baba truly was extraordinary. Not only did he greet and interact with thousands of people each and every day, he built schools and hospitals. He facilitated major engineering projects and in his followers there were major benefits to be observed. So many good people. Good hearted. Committed to helping others and being of service.
Isaac Tigret, the founder of the Hard Rock cafes is a committed devotee. Above every one of his cafes, (sold years ago and $35 million of the proceeds given to fund an Indian, Sai Baba super hospital), is one is Sai Baba’s main mottos, “Love all, serve all”.
In the one personal interview I had with him, Sai Baba also addressed a young newly married couple. Eagerly, and with great tenderness they entreated him to guide them in their marriage and in their lives.
He replied, “Swami is in front of you and behind you. He is above you and below you. He is in you. It is like you are a fish and Swami is the water in which you move and breath. I am with you always.”
If as I experienced, Sai Baba embodied the divine principle of love, this all makes sense.
RESOURCES
BOOKS
Sai Baba – Man of Miracles; Howard Murphett
The Holy Man and the Psychiatrist; Sandweiss
The Dragon’s Blessing; Guy Allenby (My biography with more details of my meetings with Sai Baba)
WIKIPEDIA
Sai Baba
WEBSITE
Sai Baba official website
How was Sai Baba different, maybe even unique?
As a contrast, like many people, when I teach a public workshop or lead a group, I am very conscious of my teachers. I rely on their knowledge and wisdom. They provide inspiration and act as role models. I would be able to offer only a fraction of what I do without my teachers.
So much to be grateful for. I have had teachers who helped me to gain a degree in Veterinary Science, and a Masters in Counselling. I have attended many, many workshops and conferences. I have learnt vast amounts from books and from people who attended events where I was in the role of leader or teacher.
And most of my teachers have the same background. There is a long lineage of teachers that my own Veterinary teachers drew upon. The teachers of their teachers, and so on back into time. A long lineage of teachers in the counselling fields I studied. In the spiritual world, lineage gives authenticity and confidence and inspiration to teacher and student alike.
In Christianity there is the long lineage back to Christ. In Buddhism there is an authentic and unbroken lineage that can be traced back 2500 years to the days and the teachings of the Buddha.
So why was Sai Baba different?
He had no teachers.
At 13 he announced himself as a teacher. He began to teach from traditional texts, even obscure ones with clarity and confidence. By the time he died at 84, he had taught on a vast array of subjects. No one ever saw him read, or study, or prepare. He just knew it all. He was self-realised.
Revered across India and by millions of followers around the world, Sai Baba was regarded by many to be an avatar. No, not like in the movie! A spiritual avatar is regarded as being a divine incarnation – a God in human form.
When I first traveled to India and met him in the hilly tea country out of Bangalore, I was excited but somewhat skeptically reserved. If there was an avatar on Earth, what a pity to miss him. But what if he was some sort of imposter?
There would seem to be several reasons to visit a senior Holy man:
1. To learn and progress on the spiritual path.
2. To benefit directly from being in their presence and to seek blessings.
3. To pay respect.
4. To seek a miracle!
In that first meeting Sai Baba catalysed healing for me at a profound level. He said “ You are already healed, don’t worry.” At that time, I was doing what I needed to do to overcome the difficult cancer I faced. However, my doubts, fuelled by scientific training and concerns around my capacity to recover using innovative means, were a real obstacle.
Sai Baba's presence, his words, his assurance, changed this. In my view, deep healing often requires a change in our state of mind, and Sai Baba effected this for me where nothing, or no-one else, had been able to. It was like an inner miracle, even though it was understandable.
Curiously, the outward miracles he has been famous for seemed natural and normal when I first saw them. On numerous occasions and from very close range, I witnessed him manifesting quite large objects and vibhutti, a sacred ash. As an avatar, why would he not do this? And yes, in my opinion he was an avatar.
Like all great beings Sai Baba had a small minority of detractors. (Christ’s life did not exactly end well – put to death on the cross). In my experience, however, he embodied love. He taught love. He represented love. He urged everyone to be more loving. That was the essence of his message.
You may be interested to know that each of the first 4 times I went to his ashram, I tried to leave a donation, but could not find out how to do it. In all my visits, no one ever mentioned money, let alone asked for it. Meals were a few cents (yes cents not dollars), accommodation was little more, and yet he brought together many huge projects.
If “judge them by their works” is the standard, Sai Baba truly was extraordinary. Not only did he greet and interact with thousands of people each and every day, he built schools and hospitals. He facilitated major engineering projects and in his followers there were major benefits to be observed. So many good people. Good hearted. Committed to helping others and being of service.
Isaac Tigret, the founder of the Hard Rock cafes is a committed devotee. Above every one of his cafes, (sold years ago and $35 million of the proceeds given to fund an Indian, Sai Baba super hospital), is one is Sai Baba’s main mottos, “Love all, serve all”.
In the one personal interview I had with him, Sai Baba also addressed a young newly married couple. Eagerly, and with great tenderness they entreated him to guide them in their marriage and in their lives.
He replied, “Swami is in front of you and behind you. He is above you and below you. He is in you. It is like you are a fish and Swami is the water in which you move and breath. I am with you always.”
If as I experienced, Sai Baba embodied the divine principle of love, this all makes sense.
RESOURCES
BOOKS
Sai Baba – Man of Miracles; Howard Murphett
The Holy Man and the Psychiatrist; Sandweiss
The Dragon’s Blessing; Guy Allenby (My biography with more details of my meetings with Sai Baba)
WIKIPEDIA
Sai Baba
WEBSITE
Sai Baba official website
25 April 2011
Ian Gawler Blog: War and Peace and a Great Loss
Anzac Day in Australia and our thoughts turn to the sacrifices made in war so those living in this great country could continue to enjoy the great freedoms that we do.
But let us go "Out on a Limb" and consider how much better still it would be if there were no wars and no-one needed to die in this way.
The truth of it seems pretty obvious to me. You cannot impose peace on anyone.
The only way we will ever have a world at peace is when we have a world filled with people who have peace in their hearts.
So anything we can do personally to engender more peace in our own hearts, to be more at peace; every little step we can make in this direction, is actually working towards world peace.
I feel an enormous sense of gratitude for the freedoms that are so much a part of the Australian lifestyle. Every time I travel freely interstate, every time I reflect on the freedom of speech I have, every time I walk through one of our cities and see such cultural diversity working well, I give thanks for the sacrifices of my forebears.
My Grandfather was a stretcher-bearer at Gallipoli. He then fought in France as an Artillery Officer; being gassed and suffering stoically into his eighties.
During the Second World War my father flew in Hudson and Liberator bombers in the Pacific and managed to survive two pretty exciting crash landings.
One of his brothers died during his second mission for Bomber Command in Europe, while his other brother survived the war after having been torpedoed and pulled out of the water.
So much to be grateful for.
But now, for each of us, what can we do to honour the freedoms we enjoy, and what can we do to be more peaceful so that war becomes less likely?
What suggestions do you have? Here are a few things that occur to me:
1. Smile at someone who has a different skin colour or comes from a different country.
2. Smile at someone who has the same skin colour or comes from the same country.
3. Observe yourself. Did you smile with the same ease at both? Is there any awkwardness? Sometimes reverse racism (overcompensating) can be an issue, just like racism always is.
4. Can you generate more peace in your own heart? Meditation is such a good way to make peace with ourselves and as the great Vietnamese Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh said:
“Peace in ourselves
Peace in the world”.
5.Is there someone you can make peace with? What would it take?
DEATH OF A GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADER
Just as this blog was about to be posted, the sad news was received from India that Sai Baba died on Easter Sunday morning at the age of 84 following complications of an illness.
Many who know my own story will be aware of the pivotal role he played in my healing and I can say he was a great influence for good in my life. Sai Baba embodied love.
Next blog I will share some experiences. I feel a great sense of gratitude for having met him, for his presence in my life and for all the good works he achieved. I also feel at something of a loss right now as to how to mark the death of such a great spiritual figure; but we will light a candle, do some meditation and no doubt feel the acute paradox of thanks and grief.
Here is a quote from Sai Baba’s early days:
I have come to light the lamp of Love in your hearts, to see that it shines day by day with added luster. I have not come on behalf of any exclusive religion. I have not come on a mission of publicity for a sect or creed or cause, nor have I come to collect followers for a doctrine. I have no plan to attract disciples or devotees into my fold or any fold. I have come to tell you of this unitary faith, this spiritual principle, this path of Love, this virtue of Love, this duty of Love, this obligation of Love.
4 July 1968
RESOURCES
BOOKS: Peace is every step - Mindfulness in daily life: Thich Nhat Hahn
Sai Baba - Man of Miracles Howard Murphet
Meditation An In-depth Guide: Ian Gawler & Paul Bedson
But let us go "Out on a Limb" and consider how much better still it would be if there were no wars and no-one needed to die in this way.
The truth of it seems pretty obvious to me. You cannot impose peace on anyone.
The only way we will ever have a world at peace is when we have a world filled with people who have peace in their hearts.
So anything we can do personally to engender more peace in our own hearts, to be more at peace; every little step we can make in this direction, is actually working towards world peace.
I feel an enormous sense of gratitude for the freedoms that are so much a part of the Australian lifestyle. Every time I travel freely interstate, every time I reflect on the freedom of speech I have, every time I walk through one of our cities and see such cultural diversity working well, I give thanks for the sacrifices of my forebears.
My Grandfather was a stretcher-bearer at Gallipoli. He then fought in France as an Artillery Officer; being gassed and suffering stoically into his eighties.
During the Second World War my father flew in Hudson and Liberator bombers in the Pacific and managed to survive two pretty exciting crash landings.
One of his brothers died during his second mission for Bomber Command in Europe, while his other brother survived the war after having been torpedoed and pulled out of the water.
So much to be grateful for.
But now, for each of us, what can we do to honour the freedoms we enjoy, and what can we do to be more peaceful so that war becomes less likely?
What suggestions do you have? Here are a few things that occur to me:
1. Smile at someone who has a different skin colour or comes from a different country.
2. Smile at someone who has the same skin colour or comes from the same country.
3. Observe yourself. Did you smile with the same ease at both? Is there any awkwardness? Sometimes reverse racism (overcompensating) can be an issue, just like racism always is.
4. Can you generate more peace in your own heart? Meditation is such a good way to make peace with ourselves and as the great Vietnamese Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh said:
“Peace in ourselves
Peace in the world”.
5.Is there someone you can make peace with? What would it take?
DEATH OF A GREAT SPIRITUAL LEADER
Just as this blog was about to be posted, the sad news was received from India that Sai Baba died on Easter Sunday morning at the age of 84 following complications of an illness.
Many who know my own story will be aware of the pivotal role he played in my healing and I can say he was a great influence for good in my life. Sai Baba embodied love.
Next blog I will share some experiences. I feel a great sense of gratitude for having met him, for his presence in my life and for all the good works he achieved. I also feel at something of a loss right now as to how to mark the death of such a great spiritual figure; but we will light a candle, do some meditation and no doubt feel the acute paradox of thanks and grief.
Here is a quote from Sai Baba’s early days:
I have come to light the lamp of Love in your hearts, to see that it shines day by day with added luster. I have not come on behalf of any exclusive religion. I have not come on a mission of publicity for a sect or creed or cause, nor have I come to collect followers for a doctrine. I have no plan to attract disciples or devotees into my fold or any fold. I have come to tell you of this unitary faith, this spiritual principle, this path of Love, this virtue of Love, this duty of Love, this obligation of Love.
4 July 1968
RESOURCES
BOOKS: Peace is every step - Mindfulness in daily life: Thich Nhat Hahn
Sai Baba - Man of Miracles Howard Murphet
Meditation An In-depth Guide: Ian Gawler & Paul Bedson
11 April 2011
The Mind that Changes Everything
There is a bit of excitement in the house this week as the first copies of my new book, “The Mind that Changes Everything”, published by Brolga Publishing, will be available in the next few days.
What is it all about?
Consider this. Whatever you do begins with a thought. Reading this blog seemed like a good idea at the time. Whatever you are sitting on right now began in someone’s mind as a thought: I will build a chair that looks and functions according to the image I have of it in my mind.
Whatever you do next will be determined by your mind. What you will have for your next meal begins with a thought. The next person you spend time with, the next outing with friends and family, the next business decision, the next holiday, the next purchase; on and on.
Everything begins with the mind. And all the experts say we only use a fraction of our mind's potential.
However, there is more to it than this. While everything we do begins in the mind, what we complete, what we achieve, what we let go of, what we abandon; all these outcomes are largely the function of our own mind.
Truly, it is the mind that changes everything.
And when it comes to the mind, have you ever wondered how some people seem to keep a clear head?
In sport, these people just seem to know how to be in the right place at the right time; and they perform at their best when the pressure is on.
Maybe you have noticed how some people seem to be comfortable and at ease in any company – whether at formal meetings or informally with friends, even strangers. They just seem to know what to say. How to be. They seem confident, relaxed; engaged and clear. Very appealing.
Maybe you have observed these clear-headed people in business. They are the ones who consistently are making good decisions. They enjoy their challenges, remain cool and calm. They have clarity amidst complexity, make decisions with assurance and have the confidence to follow things through to completion.
Then again, you probably have heard stories or know of people who used their minds to bring about great changes in their health and their lifestyles. Those who found a way to give up smoking, lose weight, overcome serious illness or perhaps the greatest achievement of all, to live a long life, free of illness, abounding with really good health, a high level of resilience and a joyful sense of wellbeing.
What we all know is that a few rare individuals have this gift naturally. They just seem to have this quality, this capacity to use their minds really effectively.
But here is the good news, the really good news. This capacity, the capacity to keep a clear head in good times and bad and to use our minds to better effect, this capacity can be acquired. It is a skill that can be learnt and with practice, it can become a natural part of our lives – a natural part of who we are. How we are.
This then is the gift of learning how to train your mind. And in all truth, perhaps this is the greatest gift you can give to yourself or to someone you care about. The skill of learning how to calm and clear your mind, and in doing so, learning how to be much more fully in control of your body and your mind, and the situations that unfold around you.
What we are talking of here is definitely a science. A mind science. It is just like choosing to become physically fitter, going to the physical gym, running around the park, training your muscles. Here we go to the mental gym. Train our mind, enjoy it becoming fitter, more capable; get the best out of our mind and its potential.
How do we do it?
Those of you who already have done a little meditation will know that the mind has two aspects. Firstly, there is the active, ever changing thinking mind, with its conscious and sub-conscious realms. Then there is that more profound, more constant nature of mind that we experience in the quiet stillness of meditation. Accessing meditation was the focus of the book I wrote with Paul Bedson, “Meditation – an In-depth Guide”.
While we did include in that book the key elements of both contemplation and imagery, this new companion book, “The Mind that Changes Everything”, goes more deeply into how the active mind works and the techniques that enable us to use it more effectively. The focus therefore is on understanding and using the practice of imagery.
Imagery is defined as the conscious development and repetition of mental images for a creative purpose. The truth is we live in a world of images. Images flood the world around us, being projected by television, film, photography and life itself.
Everything we experience, everything that registers with our senses, forms an image that is taken in to be stored in our memory. Internally we think using images, remember using images, create using images. Our whole life is affected dramatically by the images that come to us or that we produce ourselves. Images have a major impact on health, healing and wellbeing.
“The Mind that Changes Everything” is all about how we can more fully understand all this and then use imagery as a crucial element in the process of training and using our minds to make the most out of all we do in life.
My hope is that you will find this book very accessible and very practical. While I have read widely on the subject, studied it, attended other people’s workshops, and learnt directly from some remarkable teachers, the essence of the book comes from the lessons learnt by both ordinary and remarkable people who have used the creative power of their minds to good effect.
Along with 48 imagery-based techniques for training and using the mind potently, the book contains many great stories from people who have achieved remarkable things using these techniques for their sport, business, relationships, healing and wellbeing.
“The Mind that Changes Everything” is a book intended for a wide audience, so I hope you, your family, friends and colleagues will enjoy it and find something useful in it.
The official release date is the first of May, so it may be a while before you find it in the shops. However the Gawler Foundation and Brolga Publishing will be able to fill orders over the net.
Happy reading!
RESOURCES
COMPANION BOOK Meditation an In-depth Guide: Ian Gawler and Paul Bedson
CDs Mind Training 2 CD set by Ian Gawler
Mind-Body Medicine The 2 key imagery exercises led by Ian Gawler including one accompanied by the harp of Peter Roberts
IAN'S WORKSHOPS around Australia.
RELATED BLOGS
The brain, the mind and relationships Nov 2010
Go with the flow or intervene Nov 2010
21 March 2011
Why do some people live and some people die?
THE SEARCH FOR MEANING
There seems to have been one horror after another recently. Underneath the collective grief felt by just about everyone, lurks the question, how do we find meaning amidst the calamity?
The floods around Australia, the Christchurch earthquake, the Japanese earthquake and its devastating tsunami, the violent changes in the Middle East. And underneath all this, underneath the daily news, underneath the personal traumas of cancer and heart attacks and road accidents, underneath the tough events of daily life, lurks the question: Why me? Or is it: Why her? Or is it: Why do bad things happen to good people? How do we find meaning amidst our personal and collective traumas?
Out of the floods or the earthquakes emerge heart-warming and miraculous stories of survival. Then often enough we hear how the person next door, or the person clutching at the survivor’s hand did in fact die
.
Who could not have been deeply affected by the young Japanese man describing holding his father’s hand on one side, his mother’s on the other, only to lose grip and have them both swept away.
In the cancer field, I have observed people doing all it would seem they could do, only to have some live, some die.
What do we make of all this? Do we dare to question it? Do we dare to ask: Why is this so?
Can we go Out on a Limb and ask: Is it just meaningless, random chance or is there a way to understand it all. Is there a rhyme and a reason to it?
First let me say that in my experience, when people are feeling grief strongly, this is often not a useful conversation. Some find it quite confronting.
Who has seen Nicole Kidman’s recent film “Rabbit Hole”? There is a poignant scene where, with her husband, both grief stricken by the accidental death of their 4yr old son, she is sitting in a grief group.
One of the other mothers ventures forth with something like “God just had to take our daughter”.
There is a suitably long pause before she follows with “He needed another angel”.
Nicole boils over, “Why didn’t he just make another one? He is God after all. Just a snap of the fingers, easy as that!” Then she gathers up her husband and walks out.
What we are talking about is the View. The View is the philosophical construct we all have as individuals that informs how we interpret, make sense of, and function in our lives. Whether we are atheists, agnostics or passionate believers in something; those attitudes form our View.
So for the mother above, she appeared to take real solace from believing that God had taken her daughter to be another of His angels. That was her View and it informed her life. It clearly was not Nicole’s character’s View. Maybe for her, it was not even the right time to be contemplating Why? and certainly, rather than comforting her, that notion affronted her.
What then is your own View on how life works? And how does this View inform how you interpret calamity? And the good stuff? Because clearly, some people seem to get all the breaks, have everything go well for them.
My mother died when I was 12. My beloved friend, cleverly disguised as a dog, was run over and killed a week later. Another week later, while on a church school religious retreat, I woke up in my bed with a paedophile, cleverly disguised as one of the male teachers, rubbing up against my back.
My existing View was not up to all this. It did not make sense. I knew I was no angel, but all this did seem a little over the top; certainly a little much for the fairly sheltered life I had been leading up to that time.
THERE ARE TWO CHOICES
Either it makes sense, or it does not. Either there is a way to explain life’s major events, or there is not. Either there is a rhyme and a reason running through all this, or there is not. It has to be one or the other.
The conclusion I came to as a 12 year old was there had to be an explanation, I just did not know what it was. I think I sensed that to take the opposing View, that life is just a series of random, unconnected, unrelated events was simply an invitation to depression and nihilism.
If what we are experiencing now are random events, and as such do not relate to what has occurred in our past, then why would what we do now matter all that much? Does not that View make us powerless before random acts of life, and render us powerless to influence our future?
Now some tell me that it is not depressing, it is just a matter of accepting that is the way that it is. There is nothing more to it; no need to worry, do not take it personally, just accept it and get on with making the most of what life does dish up.
But think of it. If life is random, if there is no cause and effect relationship between our past actions and current situation; if it is all random then we are virtually powerless. Why not take up the nihilistic view of eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die?
For me, even as a 12yr old, that choice seemed rather bleak. If the two alternatives are that life is random and we are powerless, or there is a rhyme and a reason to life that we can learn about and put to good use, and if we cannot be sure which one is really the truth, why not go for the rhyme and reason choice?
At least it is empowering. Also, for those interested in being scientific, it matches with all that is observed in the physical world. There is a fundamental law in physics that says that for every force there is an equal and opposite force. Newton's Third Law sounds a lot like actions have consequences.
If to answer this question rested on making a choice out of belief or faith, I would go with the choice that has the best outcome.
But I do think logic comes into this too. So many things we think and do, do have observable consequences; whether they be profound or subtle, immediate or slow to mature.
Plant an acorn in the right conditions and you can be pretty certain where to find an oak tree in years to come. And you will not find apples growing on its branches.
Do we dare then to think about why some people live and some people die?
The problem with even asking the question is that in the Western world, even just thinking about the question, even just getting a sniff of it, propels some people straight into guilt and blame and shame and wanting to defend people and attack people and to feeling anger and feeling a whole range of heavy duty emotions.
In my experience it is tricky.
Certainly I have been in groups where people have exploded over this one.
So actually, I am going to leave it here for this week. What is your own reaction to the question? Do you have a View about it? What about family or friends? Know someone you want to share this blog with?
How do you interpret calamity and how do you interpret bounty when it does come your way?
Next week, Out on a Limb will go deeper into that big question: Why do bad things happen to good people?
RESOURCES
BOOKS
The Dragon’s Blessing: Guy Allenby. My biography that recounts how my own View emerged and developed, how it informed the tough times and the bountiful ones.
You Can Conquer Cancer: Ian Gawler. For the chapters on death and dying and philosophy.
Coping With Grief: Mal McKissock. Very useful and succinct manual on grief. A must read as a life skill.
CD
Understanding Death, Helping the Dying: Ian Gawler. Good to listen to with those you are really close to and use as a focus for discussion.
Counselling and Groups
NALAG National Association for Loss and Grief
The Gawler Foundation
There seems to have been one horror after another recently. Underneath the collective grief felt by just about everyone, lurks the question, how do we find meaning amidst the calamity?
The floods around Australia, the Christchurch earthquake, the Japanese earthquake and its devastating tsunami, the violent changes in the Middle East. And underneath all this, underneath the daily news, underneath the personal traumas of cancer and heart attacks and road accidents, underneath the tough events of daily life, lurks the question: Why me? Or is it: Why her? Or is it: Why do bad things happen to good people? How do we find meaning amidst our personal and collective traumas?
Out of the floods or the earthquakes emerge heart-warming and miraculous stories of survival. Then often enough we hear how the person next door, or the person clutching at the survivor’s hand did in fact die
.
Who could not have been deeply affected by the young Japanese man describing holding his father’s hand on one side, his mother’s on the other, only to lose grip and have them both swept away.
In the cancer field, I have observed people doing all it would seem they could do, only to have some live, some die.
What do we make of all this? Do we dare to question it? Do we dare to ask: Why is this so?
Can we go Out on a Limb and ask: Is it just meaningless, random chance or is there a way to understand it all. Is there a rhyme and a reason to it?
First let me say that in my experience, when people are feeling grief strongly, this is often not a useful conversation. Some find it quite confronting.
Who has seen Nicole Kidman’s recent film “Rabbit Hole”? There is a poignant scene where, with her husband, both grief stricken by the accidental death of their 4yr old son, she is sitting in a grief group.
One of the other mothers ventures forth with something like “God just had to take our daughter”.
There is a suitably long pause before she follows with “He needed another angel”.
Nicole boils over, “Why didn’t he just make another one? He is God after all. Just a snap of the fingers, easy as that!” Then she gathers up her husband and walks out.
What we are talking about is the View. The View is the philosophical construct we all have as individuals that informs how we interpret, make sense of, and function in our lives. Whether we are atheists, agnostics or passionate believers in something; those attitudes form our View.
So for the mother above, she appeared to take real solace from believing that God had taken her daughter to be another of His angels. That was her View and it informed her life. It clearly was not Nicole’s character’s View. Maybe for her, it was not even the right time to be contemplating Why? and certainly, rather than comforting her, that notion affronted her.
What then is your own View on how life works? And how does this View inform how you interpret calamity? And the good stuff? Because clearly, some people seem to get all the breaks, have everything go well for them.
My mother died when I was 12. My beloved friend, cleverly disguised as a dog, was run over and killed a week later. Another week later, while on a church school religious retreat, I woke up in my bed with a paedophile, cleverly disguised as one of the male teachers, rubbing up against my back.
My existing View was not up to all this. It did not make sense. I knew I was no angel, but all this did seem a little over the top; certainly a little much for the fairly sheltered life I had been leading up to that time.
THERE ARE TWO CHOICES
Either it makes sense, or it does not. Either there is a way to explain life’s major events, or there is not. Either there is a rhyme and a reason running through all this, or there is not. It has to be one or the other.
The conclusion I came to as a 12 year old was there had to be an explanation, I just did not know what it was. I think I sensed that to take the opposing View, that life is just a series of random, unconnected, unrelated events was simply an invitation to depression and nihilism.
If what we are experiencing now are random events, and as such do not relate to what has occurred in our past, then why would what we do now matter all that much? Does not that View make us powerless before random acts of life, and render us powerless to influence our future?
Now some tell me that it is not depressing, it is just a matter of accepting that is the way that it is. There is nothing more to it; no need to worry, do not take it personally, just accept it and get on with making the most of what life does dish up.
But think of it. If life is random, if there is no cause and effect relationship between our past actions and current situation; if it is all random then we are virtually powerless. Why not take up the nihilistic view of eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die?
For me, even as a 12yr old, that choice seemed rather bleak. If the two alternatives are that life is random and we are powerless, or there is a rhyme and a reason to life that we can learn about and put to good use, and if we cannot be sure which one is really the truth, why not go for the rhyme and reason choice?
At least it is empowering. Also, for those interested in being scientific, it matches with all that is observed in the physical world. There is a fundamental law in physics that says that for every force there is an equal and opposite force. Newton's Third Law sounds a lot like actions have consequences.
If to answer this question rested on making a choice out of belief or faith, I would go with the choice that has the best outcome.
But I do think logic comes into this too. So many things we think and do, do have observable consequences; whether they be profound or subtle, immediate or slow to mature.
Plant an acorn in the right conditions and you can be pretty certain where to find an oak tree in years to come. And you will not find apples growing on its branches.
Do we dare then to think about why some people live and some people die?
The problem with even asking the question is that in the Western world, even just thinking about the question, even just getting a sniff of it, propels some people straight into guilt and blame and shame and wanting to defend people and attack people and to feeling anger and feeling a whole range of heavy duty emotions.
In my experience it is tricky.
Certainly I have been in groups where people have exploded over this one.
So actually, I am going to leave it here for this week. What is your own reaction to the question? Do you have a View about it? What about family or friends? Know someone you want to share this blog with?
How do you interpret calamity and how do you interpret bounty when it does come your way?
Next week, Out on a Limb will go deeper into that big question: Why do bad things happen to good people?
RESOURCES
BOOKS
The Dragon’s Blessing: Guy Allenby. My biography that recounts how my own View emerged and developed, how it informed the tough times and the bountiful ones.
You Can Conquer Cancer: Ian Gawler. For the chapters on death and dying and philosophy.
Coping With Grief: Mal McKissock. Very useful and succinct manual on grief. A must read as a life skill.
CD
Understanding Death, Helping the Dying: Ian Gawler. Good to listen to with those you are really close to and use as a focus for discussion.
Counselling and Groups
NALAG National Association for Loss and Grief
The Gawler Foundation
20 December 2010
Ian Gawler Blog – Love and its Conditions
Christmas is the time when we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Christ quite literally represents the embodiment of pure love, unconditional love.
Now there are many forms of love in this world of ours. There is love for a parent, for a child, for a lover, an animal, a thing, a cause etc.
These worldly loves often have an element of the relative about them. Relative in the sense that there are conditions: I will love you if… (you love me back, make me laugh, look after me...etc). I will love you when… ( you have a better job, loose some weight, do not get so angry…etc). I will love you if…etc, etc.
It is easy to observe many people are confused by these different aspects of love. This was often apparent after people came to any of the Foundation programs, particularly the residential ones.
The fact is that these programs reliably bring out the best in people. Participants quickly come to really care for each other. The staff consistently put their own issues aside and really care for the participants, People begin to feel something of that unconditional love.
As an aside, it is my sense that it is just this, the experience of unconditional love, that often explains the wonderful, positive and often profound transformations that occur during the programs in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing of participants.
But then, as these people head home, often they experience the confusion that many others feel independently of attending such a program. If pure love is unconditional, and I want to love all, how do I manage the difficult people in my life?
The key resides in understanding the difference between relative and absolute. This is one of the great gifts of examining our minds. When we do so, we realise there is relative and there is absolute. On the absolute level we all have an intrinsic goodness, an intrinsic purity. In Christianity we say we are made in God’s image. Cannot get much purer than that. In Buddhism we say that in their essence, everyone has Buddha nature – again that notion of fundamental goodness and purity.
Yet on the relative, worldly level it is clear peoples’ actions, emotions and thoughts can be complex and often problematic. The fact is some relationships can be very difficult, even quite toxic and there may well be a need to discriminate about whom we hang out with!
Now it is true that difficult relationships can teach us so much about ourselves, about patience, tolerance, compassion etc. And enduring some relationships can lead to healthy outcomes for all. However, in some situations it can be clear that to remain in a relationship will only create more problems and it may well be the loving thing to avoid such a relationship.
Personal awareness requires discrimination. It is not about suffering endlessly, it is not about neglecting the treatment of illness or the working on difficulties. It is about right action. Working as much as possible from a position of unconditional love, recognising the fundamental goodness in all and so having a deep respect and real compassion for all, while at the same time recognising the limitations of others and ourselves. Doing the best we can and making every effort to continue to learn and to be a better person. To be increasingly comfortable with our own capacities and those of others.
Christmas then is a perfect time to contemplate the place of love in your life. To consider when for you love is unconditional, when it is more like a deal with its conditions, and when it is better avoided. Christmas often brings families together in a way that these issues are brought to the fore, so be gentle on yourself and others, take time to contemplate and meditate and may you experience something of the true meaning of Christmas – unconditional love.
Next Blog: I had pre-empted writing something about 2011 for this post, but love just took over! So there will be a short break until the New Year and then, all being well, some thoughts on the year to come.
May you have a joyful Christmas and a meaningful 2011.
Now there are many forms of love in this world of ours. There is love for a parent, for a child, for a lover, an animal, a thing, a cause etc.
These worldly loves often have an element of the relative about them. Relative in the sense that there are conditions: I will love you if… (you love me back, make me laugh, look after me...etc). I will love you when… ( you have a better job, loose some weight, do not get so angry…etc). I will love you if…etc, etc.
It is easy to observe many people are confused by these different aspects of love. This was often apparent after people came to any of the Foundation programs, particularly the residential ones.
The fact is that these programs reliably bring out the best in people. Participants quickly come to really care for each other. The staff consistently put their own issues aside and really care for the participants, People begin to feel something of that unconditional love.
As an aside, it is my sense that it is just this, the experience of unconditional love, that often explains the wonderful, positive and often profound transformations that occur during the programs in the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health and wellbeing of participants.
But then, as these people head home, often they experience the confusion that many others feel independently of attending such a program. If pure love is unconditional, and I want to love all, how do I manage the difficult people in my life?
The key resides in understanding the difference between relative and absolute. This is one of the great gifts of examining our minds. When we do so, we realise there is relative and there is absolute. On the absolute level we all have an intrinsic goodness, an intrinsic purity. In Christianity we say we are made in God’s image. Cannot get much purer than that. In Buddhism we say that in their essence, everyone has Buddha nature – again that notion of fundamental goodness and purity.
Yet on the relative, worldly level it is clear peoples’ actions, emotions and thoughts can be complex and often problematic. The fact is some relationships can be very difficult, even quite toxic and there may well be a need to discriminate about whom we hang out with!
Now it is true that difficult relationships can teach us so much about ourselves, about patience, tolerance, compassion etc. And enduring some relationships can lead to healthy outcomes for all. However, in some situations it can be clear that to remain in a relationship will only create more problems and it may well be the loving thing to avoid such a relationship.
Personal awareness requires discrimination. It is not about suffering endlessly, it is not about neglecting the treatment of illness or the working on difficulties. It is about right action. Working as much as possible from a position of unconditional love, recognising the fundamental goodness in all and so having a deep respect and real compassion for all, while at the same time recognising the limitations of others and ourselves. Doing the best we can and making every effort to continue to learn and to be a better person. To be increasingly comfortable with our own capacities and those of others.
Christmas then is a perfect time to contemplate the place of love in your life. To consider when for you love is unconditional, when it is more like a deal with its conditions, and when it is better avoided. Christmas often brings families together in a way that these issues are brought to the fore, so be gentle on yourself and others, take time to contemplate and meditate and may you experience something of the true meaning of Christmas – unconditional love.
Next Blog: I had pre-empted writing something about 2011 for this post, but love just took over! So there will be a short break until the New Year and then, all being well, some thoughts on the year to come.
May you have a joyful Christmas and a meaningful 2011.
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