The hallmark of relaxation begins with having a beautiful relationship with your own body.
Reality is, many people have a poor relationship. It is like they are mobile heads; existing primarily in their heads amidst its torrent of thoughts and mishmash of emotions, with little awareness of, or connection to their own bodies.
It is as if their body is a vehicle which when they wake in the morning they crank up, drive around in all day – with little regard for or appreciation of that vehicle, only to put it in the garage at night - aka the bed - turn it off, sleep, and go through the whole process again the next day.
So the secret to relaxation; what is really on offer here, is to develop a respect, indeed a love and appreciation for this incredible vehicle we do get around in – our own body.
Now we are discussing all this in the context of evaluating our meditation practice. In earlier posts we have discussed the merit of such an evaluation, along with when and how to conduct such a self-evaluation. Here we will focus on relaxation, but first
Thought for the day
All of humanity's problems
Stem from man's inability
To sit quietly in a room alone.
Blaise Pascal
The real aim with relaxation is to be able to function in comfort and ease.
We use the techniques of relaxation to become comfortable in our own skin.
It starts with learning to be at ease with our body, free of tension, comfortable with its look and feel.
Then this relaxation flows on, so we become at ease with our mind, free of tension, calm and clear.
So with relaxation, the techniques are important – they are how we accomplish all this.
But we need to remain conscious of the purpose of these techniques – developing this beautiful relationship with body and mind.
There is not the space to go into the detail of the techniques here. They are in all my books on meditation and in other blog posts – see links below. What they do involve is starting with the Progressive Muscle Relaxation, whose main function really is to develop a deep connection with every part of the body; and our capacity to relax it at will. Once we have accomplished this, we progress by both deepening the relaxation, and speeding it up.
What we can speak of here is the benchmarks along the way into deeper relaxation. These are reasonable signposts we can become aware of that do inform how our relaxation is progressing.
So here are common experiences people recount as they relax more deeply:
1. Feeling more uncomfortable
Yes, often when we first relax, what we do is bring our attention to our body, and in doing so, we actually notice how it does feel. So any discomfort or pain is now unmasked by distraction and we feel it as it is. Initially, this can feel more uncomfortable – so do not be put off!
2. Feeling tension releasing
As we relax more, we do start to feel the body relaxing.
This can involve becoming aware of areas of physical tension and feel that tension relaxing.
This can be likened to a stretched rubber band being released.
3. Feeling heavy and warm
Now, as the relaxation proceeds, the sensations in the body change.
This first stage of real relaxation is often described as the muscles in the body feeling heavy and warm, soft and loose.
Along with this comes a feeling of inner peace; it is a good feeling.
4. Feeling the same all over
This is a crucial stage – especially for healing and regeneration – say after training for sport. When we first relax, we usually notice some parts of the body feel different to other parts. Now, as we relax really deeply, the body comes to feel the same all over.
5. Parts go missing
This may sound strange if you are yet to experience it, however, if the concentration is on deep physical relaxation, what often comes next is a loss of awareness of parts of the body. It is as if you “look” for them, but cannot find say your hands and lower arms, or parts of your lower legs. You still have awareness of the rest of your body, but it is as if these other parts are no longer there. The trick here is not to attempt to analyse what is happening, but to recognize this is a sign of deeper relaxation, and go with it.
6. Feeling light
Next, as we relax even more, the body often feels like it is light, and there can be a “hollow body” feeling. As if we have the outline provided by our skin, but internally it is luminous, almost like it is filled with an abstract feeling that still does have a sense of vitality and energy. This too is usually described as a very pleasant sensation.
7. Feeling of expanding
Next comes what is often described as a "funny feeling". The body seems very light now. There may well be sensations of floating; we may even feel as if we are “out of our bodies”. Alternatively, we can feel as if our body is expanding beyond its normal boundaries; getting bigger and bigger – a bit like if we had been floating in a nice, warm swimming pool, and now we are dissolving into the water – and expanding. Often strange at first, this is commonly described as being extremely pleasant. The feeling in the head while this is happening is often described as like having a light anaesthetic, or a state of reverie.
8. Loss of feeling
Finally, as we reach the depths of relaxation, we loose awareness of our body altogether.
Now what is described above is what people often feel when focusing strongly on relaxing the body.
If we were to focus on straight mindfulness practice without specific attention to relaxation, we may experience very little of this.
However, there is a beautiful synergy between relaxing the body and calming the mind.
The more we relax the body, the more that relaxation flows on to calm the mind.
The more we calm the mind, the more the mind sends out messages that relax the body.
Therefore, when we bring concentration and mindfulness to the process of relaxing the body, this synergy leads to profound relaxation of both the body and the mind.
By concentrating on the feeling of relaxation in the body, it is as if we become absorbed in the feeling of relaxation itself. As we feel the body relax, the mind goes with it. The relaxation of the body flows into the mind. Our body is relaxed. Our mind is relaxed. And we simply rest in that feeling of relaxation.
So what we do, is as we relax mindfully, we simply take an open, curious interest in the feeling of relaxation. We let go of any judgment or reaction and the mind is at ease. No stress. No anxiety. Just natural ease.
So you see, this is how we can use a simple exercise like the Progressive Muscle Relaxation or the Relaxing Body Scan to go beyond basic relaxation into meditation. We do the exercises with concentration and mindfulness.
So next post, how do we know when we really are being mindful?
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