On being overloaded – and some options. A personal account

Remember this feeling??? As a teenager, I often went on long hikes through the wilderness areas of Gippsland. Spectacular country... rugged, steep and incredibly beautiful. We often went out for a week and carried all our food; sometimes even our water, so our packs could be really heavy. At the end of the day, we would select a campsite - and then the feeling. The feeling of lightness as the pack came of the back. A mixture of relief, satisfaction, tiredness and joy. Remember that feeling? The lightness of the load lifting...

Sometimes in life it can seem as if the load we are carrying is really heavy. Sometimes too heavy. Having been through a period of life like this recently myself, and now having the feeling of lightness arrive and bring relief, maybe it is useful to discuss what we can do when our load is too heavy and the potential to become stressed out is very real, but first

Thought for the day

   Alexander the Great's famous last words 
- three wishes he made on his deathbed: 

 

    Let my physicians carry my coffin

       Scatter my treasures along the path to my grave

       Let my hands hang out of the coffin

   To demonstrate 

       Doctors cannot stop death

       Wealth cannot be taken with you

       Everyone leaves this world empty-handed.

Maybe this can come as a salutary reminder. 

We hear a great deal about managing stress from the inside. About how we can learn to maintain our balance and equanimity independently of our external circumstances. That is true. We can. However, it is also true stress can come from being overwhelmed by external events. There is a limit to what we can take on, and yet sometimes, the demands to do more can seem unavoidable.

This was my experience recently. Many will know just how unwell my beloved Ruth has been for nearly 9 months. And this on top of my own major bout of life-threatening ill-health around 18 months ago, which was preceded by Ruth being unwell the previous couple of years. We have had a lot to deal with.

Now normally, this would be manageable. 

However, I had a major commitment to lead a Meditation Teacher Training in November, and to follow this with a meditation mini-retreat. 

That too would have been manageable, however, for the training, there was the need to prepare a new manual – all 200 pages of it. 

Having deliberately left the 3 months prior to the training free so I could concentrate on writing what was effectively like a new book, Ruth then became critically ill and was hospitalised right through until the training commenced. I spent much of that time with her in the hospital. 

So first, the obvious decision. Go ahead or cancel? Being mindful of people putting 5 days aside, and many making travel and other arrangements to attend, we decided to go ahead. 

So the manual had to be completed – and printed on time. Basic 3 principles of positive thinking:


1. Make a clear choice

2. Do whatever it takes

3. Chose to enjoy doing it.

So during the months of being in Ruth’s hospital room, amidst visits from doctors and nurses, amidst drips alarms sounding regularly, amidst communicating with family and friends, amidst dealing with the day-to-day stuff, and the general overwhelm of the difficult times we live in; amidst all manner of interruptions, a remarkable opportunity to practice being non-distracted, of remaining focused and committed – and getting the job done. But high pressure. And the feeling of a very heavy backpack.

So how to maintain some balance? 

How to manage an extreme load? 

Some options to consider

1.     Make time to meditate

It is not easy making time for this. 

Fortunately, I am in the habit, but I ramped it up. Knowing the pressure was on, I made the effort to increase my practice

2.     Make time to exercise

It is not easy making time for this. 

This was harder for me and I was not so consistent as with the meditation, but it is easy to feel the benefit; and we know the science is all for this; as with the meditation.

3.     Take time out – and let go of the guilt

To be clear, I did feel on the edge more than once. And it seemed obvious, if I became overwhelmed or sick myself, we were in really deep trouble. 

So time out is a necessity. In what form? I visited the hospital café regularly, as much for the break as for anything it had to offer to eat or drink. Then there was at least one lunch with a friend each week. Many phone calls with family and friends. And a massage. And just having the occasional slow morning or longer break in the afternoon. 

4.     Do ask for help

Taking time out, spreading the load, was made possible by family and friends coming in and being with Ruth when I was not. While the Epworth Richmond was wonderful in many ways, my strong sense is for anyone in hospital, particularly if critically ill, there is a need for a minder. We set up a roster and it was a delight to have this very tangible support. Such gratitude...

5.     Request prayers

We had a huge number of people – and groups – praying for Ruth. 

It may be subtle, yet it is tangible; this undercurrent of positive, healing energy that prayer and well-wishes provides. 

It does feel like a current that is heading in the right direction, and provides a counter for what can seem like a fairly bleak reality at times.

6.     Practice gratitude

It is easy to feel overwhelmed by the difficulties and go into grumpy mode. To become despondent and angry. So I am told... Fortunately, I have a long-term habit of practicing gratitude: thank everyone – some vocally, some quietly. Thank the people who support the hospital with philanthropy, thank the staff, thank those who grew the food that turns up, thank whoever developed all the machines Ruth is relying upon. Gratitude is so easy. There is so much to be grateful for. And it transforms grumpy into grateful. Feels better and makes others feel better as well.

7.     Do persevere

I have been very fortunate. 

The manual was printed 2 days before the training began. 

We had a lovely group attend. Melissa Borich co-facilitated and was magnificent to work with – as usual. 

And at the end, it felt like taking a huge pack off after a very long walk. 

But sometimes we simply need to endure. To push on. 

Find the extra energy. Draw upon reserves. 

And balance and sustain that willpower with the other things we are discussing.

8.     When all else fails, procrastinate!

Procrastination does get a lot of bad press. In many situations, this is justified. But when the load is extreme, that old Irish saying may be the answer: 

If you put something off long enough

It will take care of itself

But then, I was fortunate. This period of overload was finite. While Ruth remains in hospital, she is improving steadily now and appears likely to be home again soon. Life is getting easier once more. The load lighter.

So for most of us, life will bring these periods of overload. Having the sense they will pass makes persevering easier. But then, if the load is likely to remain longer-term, the need to plan for how to manage it becomes even more important. No doubt there is great merit in learning to cope – and ideally thrive – from the inside; but perhaps this post offers some ideas around how to manage on the outside.